Tonight I'm feeling like branching out and writing a different kind of post. I usually let you know about what has gone on during the day with my family and let you see a few pics from the fun we have had. But tonight, I'm feeling a little sad. My heart is heavy and I have a message to say. I'm not sure how it will come out, but here it comes....
Divorce is a terrible, ugly thing. It is a choice to tear apart one of the most sacred unions that has been made. Now, that I have said that, I want to also say that I'm not hear to PREACH about divorce. It happens for many reasons... too many for me to go into.
My parents divorced, my mom's parent's divorced and who knows how many others before that divorced. Each of these divorces was definitely full of hurt, despair, and feelings of guilt. The one thing I can say about my parents divorce is that they did it with DIGNITY. Although they both were feeling hurt, used, mistreated, worthless, tired, frustrated, angry, lied to.....they never once let me believe that I had a part in this. They never once fought in front of me. They never once looked out for themselves....they tried their best to do what was best for me. I was only 10. I didn't know my parents even fought. I thought the world was good.
Yes, it was a shock to me when my mom said we were moving. It wasn't easy for me to be uprooted from the place I had grown up in. It wasn't easy to leave my Dad and start a life in a new place. My mom and dad knew this and they did the best they could to help me with this. I remember many nights, lying on the bed next to my mom, crying about why we had to leave and why they had to divorce. My mom always reassured me that it was not my fault and that her and my dad just couldn't be married anymore. IT WAS THEIR PROBLEM - NOT MINE!
The most important thing I want to say is that my mom and dad never said anything bad about the other person. Although I lived with my mom, she always encouraged me to call my dad, visit him and respect him. At one point, I was angry with my dad, and my mom encouraged me to write my dad a letter to explain it to him. She said that it would be ok and that he would listen to my concerns. She was right. When he got the letter, he called me and we worked it out. Mom always encouraged me to have a good relationship with my dad.
My parents weren't perfect. They had their bad days. But overall - they took me through this tough time with all of their DIGNITY, RESPECT and INTEGRITY.
Divorce is HARD. IT SUCKS. It really sucks when you are in the middle of it. But it is of utmost importance to remember that all parties involved in a divorce are human. They are special people. Even if you have been hurt by your former spouse - it is your responsibility as a parent to foster a good relationship between your children and their other parent. It's called being a GROWN UP.
I hope that those that are close to me that are going through this terrible thing at this time will read this and know that I love them. I care for each and every one of them that are involved. I hope it spurs you on to being a better YOU. I hope that you look out for your children and guard them from the ugliness. Help them to have a close relationship with both of their parents. Realize that this is not all about you. Every word that you choose to say, every action that you take, every look that you make when something is said...it is all seen by your children. They can read the hostility in you. Forgive the former spouse for YOURSELF. Live peacefully. Do what is best for them.
